Passion: A Self Portrait

Posted by Pinky on Nov 10, 2010 in Blog | 24 comments

I hated school more than anyone I know.  From the 4th grade on, I fought with teachers, ditched class, refused to do homework, switched schools, and but by the grace of teachers that knew I would be better served by a D- than an F, I miraculously graduated from high school without having to repeat a grade.  Which is good, because I wouldn’t have done so anyway.  In fact, I tried to get my parents to allow me to take the G.E.D. when I was 16, going so far as to begin the process of legal emancipation so I could make the decision myself, then predictably quit that too.  When all was said and done, I had attended twelve different schools between grades 6 and 12.

I landed my first “real” job at age 15, working in the paint department at Sears.  I was fired 5 months later for stealing money from the register. And while my criminal career ended there, I went through nearly 50 jobs before I was 21. From most, I was fired, and from the rest, I quit.  Some were temp jobs, others were not.  And I did everything from pizza delivery to customer service to retyping medical insurance manuals. (I was pretty good with a keyboard.) I had problems with authority, a knack for arriving late, and often quit by simply not showing up to work at all.  I was quite a catch.

On paper you would have assumed that I would end up as some transient, thieving, burnout. Yet somehow I ended up a millionaire at age 30 (and no, it wasn’t from some crazy pyramid marketing scheme ). I have been teaching at Belmont University for three years now and was given the Adjunct Professor of the Year Award this past Spring.  I just married the love of my life and look forward to having kids myself someday. All around, life is pretty good right now.

You’ve heard this story before, right?  Bill Gates famously dropped out of college, as did his nemesis Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, and my favorite, Albert Einstein.  (For a ridiculously long list of others, click here.)  Unfortunately, dropping out does not guarantee success, but there is something you don’t hear often enough…

Passion Hurts

We love to think about these guys just gushing with energy and enthusiasm for the things they love, earning unfathomable fame and fortune along the way, but let me tell you what it feels like to see your mom break down in sobbing tears after you have been caught ditching school just hours after a deep heart-to-heart about making a true effort to get through the end of the school year. What it’s like to wonder how you’re going to pay the rent because of your own stupid actions… again.  Wondering how you can possibly survive another 30, 40, 50 years of being hired and fired from an endless string of jobs, and most seriously, wondering if suicide might literally be a better option than putting yourself and your family through the pain of watching a life perpetually crash and burn. In fact, I tried when I was 17… and you guessed it… failed at that too.

How’s that for a downer?

But you know what? That’s what passion does.  It COMPELS.  It FORCES us to move in mysterious ways, seemingly against our own will at times, and opens impossible doors at others.

I’ve blogged about this before, but my world turned right-side-up the day I met Strangewood, the band that got me started in the music business.  Six months to-the-day after seeing their first concert I was in Zurch, Switzerland managing a 13 country tour for a group that had just come off the road with No Doubt.  When I met my destiny, everything clicked, and suddenly my need for constant stimulation and ability to adapt to any social situation were my greatest assets.  The funny thing is that I was terrible at the job.  Too young, unorganized and impulsive to handle the responsibility, but I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that I had found my path, and I think anyone who knew me at the time would tell you that they could visibly see the change in me.

It’s nearly noon on a Wednesday afternoon and there are 100 things I should be doing right now, but I came into the office today jet lagged and unmotivated to do much of anything.  I scanned through job listings at facebook and Google just for fun, dreamt about moving to the beach with my new bride and opening a coffee shop or a tourism marketing agency to pay the bills, popped on a little Zac Brown Band and wondered what it must be like to make your living making music, and then I remembered…

Music is the greatest expression of passion there ever was.  There is a reason we like sad songs.  Angry songs.  Sweet, loving, emotional songs.  They remind us of what passion is. What passion does. What life is all about.

I’m not great at anything I do, except for one thing.  I let passion lead the way.  It’s really the only choice I’ve got.  I have the joy of working with artists, musicians, entrepreneurs and a long list of “creative types,” and if there’s one thing this world can use a little more of, it’s people like them that channel their energies into creating new things.

If you hate your job, your school… your life, I’ll refrain from telling you to throw in the towel on any one or all of them, but do remember this – life sucks for everyone, but those that thrive are often the ones that direct their inspiration into creating things.  Write, paint, sing, design, invent, construct… do what you’ve got to do to get those juices flowing, and watch, actively, for opportunities that allow you to spend more of your time on the things you genuinely love.

And give your mom a hug.  She probably deserves it.